Determination

I was having dinner last evening with a friend and colleague who retired from the field a year ago; so we meet for lunch, dinner or a movie to stay in touch. We both have had a tasking week so met for some Tai food. Una is getting over a bad summer cold she was telling me about knitting a sweater for her granddaughter which she was very proud of when she was finished. She then saw a pattern for a shawl and she thought she would begin on that project. However, this proved to be a little more difficult than the sweater, and for her knitting was a relaxing fun thing to do. Doing this shawl wasn’t fun for her even when she got assistance she found herself more frustrated and decided not to do this pattern. It was at this point in her story she stopped, looked at me said, “I have to give you this compliment, you are one of the most determined people I know; you start something and you will plow through to get it done, it’s one of your biggest strengths I just want you to know that”.

Interesting how we are given messages just when we need them. It’s been kind of a tough two weeks. I found out last week I’m getting better with my physical therapy which was good news, however, I know I still a lot have a lot of work to do. I have to stay vigilant in order to meet the goal of getting back to running and the May 2018 Half-Marathon. I’ve also had some frustrations with working on my dissertation…ugh! I’ve had to revamp it, change it and I’ve wanted to just throw it out the window.  So when Una said this to me, first I said thank you, because it was nice of her to say.  Then I started thinking throughout my life I guess this was true. When I was a freshman in college, I went to my academic advisor for assistance, instead of offering me help, she told me “I don’t think you will graduate from college”. I will never forget that one! Needless to say, I did and without her help. There have been situations like that, hard times that it would have been easy to throw in the towel and many times I came close but didn’t.

When I started running and training for my first 5k, there moments I didn’t think I would make it I even wrote a post about it Remembering the “Why”—Week 5  I also called a friend of mine during that time, who said to me “Tammi have you ever set a goal you didn’t meet?” Again, I thought about and the answer was “no”. So I pushed through and finished my first 5k. The same held true for my first half-marathon. It funny how we can forget when we are in the middle of a difficult or frustrating time, that we may not make it; then someone comes along and reminds us of the challenges we’ve gotten through or why we are working towards a certain goal, like my friend Una did last night. And it always just when we need it…funny how God works.

This one of the main reason I push my clients as hard as I do; I know their potential and many of them have never had anyone in their corner to tell them they can achieve their goals and dreams. It can be a battle sometimes but excuses won’t get them there.f

Don’t Stop Believin’ and keep on pushin’ 👊

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Friendship, Meditation, and a MRI

As those of you have read this blog know I had a MRI scheduled on Thursday to hopefully find out what is going on with me. But before I get to that I want to talk about my friend Susan. As I mentioned in my last post she is now my emergency contact she had no idea what had been going on until I asked her permission to use her for this position. We had made plans to meet for dinner on Thursday; well as things sometimes go, when we finally got the approval for the MRI the appointment would be the same day and time we were supposed to meet for dinner, 530 on Thursday. I let Susan know about the appointment and without missing a beat she asks if I would like her to go with me. Honestly was taken back by her question, I mean really it was just a MRI and if you know me I function pretty much independently. I mean I’m the one who takes care of everyone else, that my job, it’s my role.  So I gave my typical response, “Oh that’s okay you don’t have too, I’m good”. To which she said “it’s no problem” asked me what time the appointment was, she was not letting me off the hook. 😄

The day before the appointment I get a text from Susan asking me how I was feeling and what time we were meeting, it should be noted Susan and her family have a lot going on right now, and that’s one of the reasons I didn’t want to “bother” her with this “simple” appointment. Anyway, I told her what time to meet, but here’s where I realized what kind of friend Susan was, when I told her what time to meet, she asked me if I wanted her to come and pick me up and take me to the appointment. Instantly I started to tear up and cry. Now this may seem silly to some but let me explain. My friends are very important to me, when anyone describes me the one word that is typically used is loyal. I know I’m a good friend but as I’ve gotten older I’ve learned that friendship has not always been reciprocal. I’ve since learn my patterns of dysfunction that have contributed to that and I’ve “trimmed the fat” so to speak and let go of some people that were not healthy for me (hard lessons). When I bought my house (my current address), “my friend” whom I had known since I was five years old and at the time referred to as my “best friend” she said to me “I won’t come and visit you down here”. I was stunned by the comment from my “friend” one because she said at all and two because it wasn’t that far away. But the statement did have an impact on me, from then on no matter who it was I would always accommodate them so they wouldn’t have to go out of their way to come see or anything. And it all went back to that one statement. So you see when Susan graciously asked to pick me up for my appointment, that person and her statement came to mind; and the difference between her and Susan and the type of friend Susan is to the type of friend I thought the other one was given our long history together, brought me tears. True friends are so very hard to find.

Needless to say I didn’t have her pick me up, not because I didn’t want to inconvenience her I was leaving from work and to go home would have been out of the way and I would have been late for the appointment so it would have just been easier to meet at the office for both of us. Had it not been for that I would have accepted her offer. But it gets better. Thursday comes and I arrive a little early, (traffic was better than expected). So I start with the paperwork, Susan arrives a few minutes later, and we talk until I’m called back, she keeps my purse while go back. It turns out I was glad she was there I was a little nervous.

The MRI technician, Sally, was so very nice, she did everything to help me to be comfortable. She told me the MRI would take about 20-30 minutes, I had no idea..so I went out and told Susan, she said “oh yea, I know, I got my book”. I was like okay..still in disbelief she was going to sit there and wait for me. I get into the room and there’s that tube I had to go into, Sally, gives me earplugs, a sheet to cover up and asks me what I like to do. I told her running of course, she says close your eyes and picture yourself running, to help me calm down as she puts me into the tube. She then offered me a small cloth to put over my eyes to further help me calm down. She was so great, as she got me ready she offered me headphones to further block the noise, she said relax you are running and before I knew it I was in a meditative state, my breathing was slow I could feel my body, and I was running a full marathon in my mind. It was a beautiful sunny day and I saw myself running and completing the marathon before I knew it, the MRI was over. Meditation is a wonderful thing. I was somewhat startled when this guy started taking things off of me, I asked where’s Sally? He said she’s at the control panel. When I got up, I went in gave her a big hug for being so nice to me and making this a pleasant experience. Being a healthcare provider myself, I know all to well that healthcare providers too often have a tough go of it and are not told they are appreciated, I wanted Sally, to know she was.

Anyway, Susan was waiting for me when I finished I hugged her too and thanked her so much for coming and staying with me. She had a pretty stressful day so that fact that she was with me, speaks volumes about her. We grabbed a quick bite to eat at a Mexican restaurant and then we parted ways for the day. I haven’t gotten the results yet, hopefully early next week I will know something. But even without the results yet, I learned a lot from the experience for which I am grateful. 😊

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My friend Susan and me on my birthday this year.

31 Day Blog Challenge: Earliest Childhood Memory

Today’s post is taking me back a bit; I hear people talk about real early memories of their childhoods but I can’t say that I have those. I know they exist and to be quiet frank most are not very pleasant. So the first that I specifically recall is when I was five years old; I was in kindergarten. I was sitting at one of those tables like in a cafeteria and on the other side of the table was this girl, Cindy, she had her back to the window the sunlight was shining through across the table. I was extremely shy when I was little so it odd for me to go up to someone I didn’t know. We sat across from each other for a few minutes looking at each other; she had a look on her face and even that young I thought something was bothering her (I was already a therapist in the making) because my first words were “what’s wrong with you?” At 5 years old I’m asking someone what’s wrong them! Ha! And with that began a 38 year friendship. I still find it hard to believe I’ve know someone for 38 years..how time goes by..However, December 31, 2011 was the last time Cindy and I spoke to each other. Things change, people change, and as they say people come into our lives for a season. I can’t say I know what really happened between us besides we started growing in different directions…I know after 38 years…but what ya gonna do…the circle of life…

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This is Cindy and me with our friend Brain at my birthday party in 2009. I’ve changed so much since then.. 🙂